Adikes kids have this wanderlust thing... It has been going on for generations, and I have been the child of one, the wanderer, and now the parent of one.
Being the parent or wandering children is not easy for me. I have Tom and Dave living in Phoenix and Sabrina living in Ecuador. I am a big believer in autonomy and free will. I am grateful that I have been able to make life choices for myself without parental coercion, so now I feel obliged to not put conditions on my kids in the same way.
On the other hand, it is a lonely thing for me. I am keenly aware that we all have a finite number of days on this planet, and to have hundreds pass between hugs and big daddy breakfasts is hard to swallow. These are decisions that I don't get to make that affect my whole life.
For the largest part of my life, Tom Dave and Sabrina have been my largest responsibility. It is the responsibility that I took with the most commitement. It was the driving force behind every decision.
Now that responsibility doesn't influence anything anymore. I don't plan my days off, or my dinner menu, or vacation plans around them. I still have Philip and Christopher to be responsible for, but so much less so. Philip and Christopher both have mothers that are intensely protective and organized. I am like the parsley on the plate for them.
I miss being essential, and so significant. I miss the talks, and the drives, and the watching. It was alot of fun being their Dad.
Tonight at 5:50PM Dave is getting off the plane from Phoenix. He is in town for 4 days. I will be competing with Emily, his Mom, his Grandmother, his Orthodontist, the Wolf Road Diner. and then in 4 days the plane leaves again, and the silence gets deafening.
For every Christmas I can recall I hear "I'll be home for Christmas" and I feel deep sadness for that gene in us that makes us all get on planes, trains and busses.
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