Sabrina's Dad

Niskayuna Rotary Rises

2008-10-15T08:07:00.000-07:00

Fresh Eyes

2008-03-19T09:44:00.001-07:00

I always have a hard time adjusting after a vacation. I live in a kind of numb routine until I go away. When I come back the numb is gone, and I question all of the routines.

Now that I am back, I wonder how I could let $20 bills spill out of my pocket so easily for pizza, coffee, movie seats, haircuts or a baseball hat. $20 in Ecuador has an impact.

I wonder about my constant connectiveness. I am plugged into the news, my blackberry, IM's, and e-mails for every waking moment of my day. Nobody I know has swung in a hammock for a long time.

I think about the need to be doing. With all I have, and all that is given to me why do I still have an urgent list of things that preceed happiness? What if I just stop where I am and be grateful for the blessings of my great family.

I love my family. I am sorry that I don't spend more time "connected" to them. I wish we had a row of hammocks to swing in and really talk. Life without a TV, an alarm clock and a shopping list was prerry jarring to my system. I am glad I got a fresh perspective.

The older I get, the more I have to learn.

Back from a different time

2008-03-15T11:45:00.000-07:00

I have been home from Ecuador for less than 12 hours, but felt really moved to post.

I don't intend to recount my trip on this post, that would be too tedious for anyone to read. I do want to say how moved my spirit was with the people of Ecuador.

I just left a store where the 20 year old cashier snatched the cash out of my hand before I reached out to him. I thought "How un-Ecuadorian of you." I just came to respect a slower, more cooperative, less aggressive pace for the 9 days I was gone.

My highlights came when we went to the homes of Sabrina's family and friends. It was delightful to see how ordinary people live and interact. I felt like they were my family too.

I am glad to be home. I am grateful for the big things we have here. At the same time, I will miss the million small courtesies, and peaceful souls.

Touching the pole`

2008-01-16T15:01:00.000-08:00

Running was a great time of mental gymnastics for me. If I could run 400 meters in 2 minutes, how long would it take to run 3.5 miles... But what if the 400 meters was uphill, and the half way time was 25 minutes. What was the time to beat...

Some truths prove themselves. Going "out" always is much longer than "coming back." A Distance will also seem shorter the more often you repeat it. Familiarity is a runners friend.

Now Sabrina has been gone for 150 days, and has 150 to go. To non-runners you would think this is half way. I propose that Sabrina has endured all of the hardest parts (except leaving) and not has 150 days of dessert in front of her.

Never again will Sabrina be a non-Spanish speaker. Never again will Sabrina be without a friend in Ecuador. Now Sabrina knows her school, and knows how fast 150 days goes by.

I booked our flight to go visit her. We will be landing in Guayaquil at 5PM on her 18th Birthday.

BTW: I am have passed the half way mark too. I am really looking forward to having my Beenie within hugging distance.

Estefania's Video

2008-01-03T05:37:00.000-08:00

Sabrinas first contact in Ecuador came from Estefania (Nia). Nia is Sabrina's host sister and she was also a previous exchange student who spent a school year in Minnesota.

For me this has been a real comfort. First of all Nia speaks perfect English, so when I call the Lieva family and she answers she is always great at reassuring me that Sabrina is well. Nia has also shown how compassionate she is to Sabrina's distance from home.

The latest really thoughful gesture came when she made this video on New Years Eve. It was great to open my email and have it waiting.

Life is Good today!

Photos from Dec 2007

2007-12-31T10:22:00.000-08:00

Ho Ho Ho

2007-12-24T15:17:00.000-08:00

How to watch a google video......

Press play... then press pause... let is simmer for 5 minutes then hit play again... This will allow the whole file to cache on your computer instead of being choppy.

We made Sabrina a video.

Merry Christmas sweetheart. Kimberly and I have had knots in our throats for 2 days while we made this. You are precious to us. It just isn't the same without you.

Merry Christmas!

Love,

Dad

Click Here To See Your Video
Click here to see your video

Santa Claus is coming to town..... Santa Claus is coming to town

2007-12-20T18:39:00.000-08:00

She REALLY REALLY got it

2007-12-20T06:16:00.000-08:00

The post I wrote last night was really a "bread-crumb trail" to lead Sabrina to her letter of acceptance from SUNY New Paltz that we got in the mail yesterday. I didn't want to tell her over the phone. Before she left Sabrina told me she would kill me if I read it and told her... she wanted to open her acceptance letter.

Anyways... Kimberly, Christopher and I had the honor of being on the phone with Sabrina in Ecuador as she clicked her way onto the letter. I wish I had taped her reaction... She got it. Sabrina really understood how her life pivoted into a new direction.

I have been a relentless, deaf idiot to my kids about college. I try to act interested in who they take to the Prom, and whether they get to cut on Senior Cut Day. I try to feign interest in whether their job pays $8 or $10 per hour. Honestly I know. I really know that all of that pales in significance to the question "where are you going to college next Aug."

Sabrina will be going to the cutest school, in the most charming little town at the foot of beautiful mountains, just a 70 mile train ride from Manhattan. Sabrina will be a fluent Spanish speaker who is getting a degree from one of the best teaching colleges in the United States. In 5 years Sabrina is finally much more likely to be teaching High School kids to speak spanish, than she is likely to wear a blue smock and man the cash register at Wal*Mart.

There is no shame in the blue smock... The problem is there is no career path to get from there to teaching kids to speak spanish. The only way to get inside the walls of the castle has to do with this letter of acceptance.

All of our kids have gone to primary education for 13 years. There is however a profound difference with what they do from there. Ironically 11 of the 13 years have almost no bearing on what happens next. The results of your 10th and 11th grade years end up being being the most powerful forces to determine what you do with the 50 working years of your life.

Now there are still a million chances for things to change but I can infer some great things. My guess in Sabrinas kids will get braces if they need them. I bet Sabrina has a career that includes health insurance, vacation time, and a retirement program. I bet that Sabrina won't have to drag too many carts in from parking lots, clean public restrooms, or have bosses named Gomer. I bet Sabrina won't be working in a factory, a mine, or a fast food kitchen after her 22nd birthday.

I am so proud of my daughter... but most importantly I am so happy that she has put herself in a position to put her wonderful talents to great use. I hope that someday Sabrina gets to watch the light go on, and see one of her students open a letter like this one.

You Go Girl!

Is this all there is...

2007-12-19T15:20:00.000-08:00

Fatherhood has gone from a raging river that demanded my fullest commitment into a trickling brook that peacefully makes pretty background noises to my otherwise mundane life.

Today, just when I was snoozing, I came across some really great reading. I was reminded that being invested in the lives of young people provides dividends that can't be rivaled.

Please read this... and make sure to follow the link underneath to the second document. You too can share the rollercoaster.

;)

http://gardencenternews.com/sabrina

Over-rated....... Independence

2007-12-18T06:48:00.000-08:00

As a father, I am stunned at how little joy I get from the independence of my older children.

I have been the kind of person that counts down to all of the milestones in life. I got a job at 10, drove at 12, joined the military on my 17th birthday, was married a year after I got out etc.

From the time my kids were born I would say stupid things like "By the time I am 45 Tom, Dave and Sabrina will all be out on their own. That makes as much sense as counting the days till summer vacation is over, or the hours until 9AM on a Monday morning. The more sensible approach is to be in the moment and fully enjoy where you are. Here I was with 10 year old kids wishing for 20 year old kids.

While we make our lives plans; God chuckles.

Now I have had 34 years in the work force and in fact my oldest kids have moved right past me in their lives. I now have much less to look forward to. I will be happy when..... Now has senior citizen discount eligibility attached to it.

I am light hearted in this complaint. In honesty my life has been fuller than almost anyone I know. Having 5 kids is a blessing that is hard to overlook. I am however very honest in my advice not to wish it all away. The sound of a crying baby really is a blessing. The chance to take care of a sick kid, or sit through another Christmas Concert for Elementary Schoolers is a gift. There are a finite number of little league games, concerts, dances, plays, and chicken tender value meals.

I check Sabrina's Blog every day and over a month passes without mention of what is going on. You know kids here can say, it's boring there is nothing to tell about. On the contrary Sabrina is in Ecuador and experiencing a life I have never known. I know that she too is caught up in it all, but I do miss her and I miss being a part of her life. I don't know who her best friend it. I don't know what she had for dinner. I don't know which teacher is giving her fits. As a matter of fact I don't know the names of a single friend or a single teacher. How could I keep a blog, and ignore this?

I know that we raise our kids to be independent. Independence in the goal. It is evidence of our success. On the other hand it feels like a really big loss. I am happy for my kids. I just thought that it might feel better when it happens.

Shuffle Board anyone?

Prodigals take a number

2007-12-10T06:03:00.000-08:00

Adikes kids have this wanderlust thing... It has been going on for generations, and I have been the child of one, the wanderer, and now the parent of one.

Being the parent or wandering children is not easy for me. I have Tom and Dave living in Phoenix and Sabrina living in Ecuador. I am a big believer in autonomy and free will. I am grateful that I have been able to make life choices for myself without parental coercion, so now I feel obliged to not put conditions on my kids in the same way.

On the other hand, it is a lonely thing for me. I am keenly aware that we all have a finite number of days on this planet, and to have hundreds pass between hugs and big daddy breakfasts is hard to swallow. These are decisions that I don't get to make that affect my whole life.

For the largest part of my life, Tom Dave and Sabrina have been my largest responsibility. It is the responsibility that I took with the most commitement. It was the driving force behind every decision.

Now that responsibility doesn't influence anything anymore. I don't plan my days off, or my dinner menu, or vacation plans around them. I still have Philip and Christopher to be responsible for, but so much less so. Philip and Christopher both have mothers that are intensely protective and organized. I am like the parsley on the plate for them.

I miss being essential, and so significant. I miss the talks, and the drives, and the watching. It was alot of fun being their Dad.

Tonight at 5:50PM Dave is getting off the plane from Phoenix. He is in town for 4 days. I will be competing with Emily, his Mom, his Grandmother, his Orthodontist, the Wolf Road Diner. and then in 4 days the plane leaves again, and the silence gets deafening.

For every Christmas I can recall I hear "I'll be home for Christmas" and I feel deep sadness for that gene in us that makes us all get on planes, trains and busses.

Jingle Bell time.....

2007-12-02T11:00:00.000-08:00

Like a special order... we got a dusting of snow on Saturday morning as we loaded the boys in the truck for our annual trek up the mountain to cut down our Christmas Tree.

This is a great trip because each one carries the memories of "Christmas Tress Past." The act of choosing, cutting and hauling this tree has been a highlight for me over the years. The kids are always proud when we put it up that they selected it. They saw the inner beauty of that particular tree, and now it is showing everyone what a great choice it was.

We cut the tree down yesterday and today we went to see our friends Cathy and Bud Vogt. We were in their heated greenhouse as their crew made dozens of wreaths, kissing ball, boughs, and bows. It is fast propelling me into the spirit.

This morning at Mass, Father Noone showed photos he took of Zoo Lights in Phoenix. I was so proud because Thomas worked there for 3 years, and I knew that some of the photos that Father Noone was showing were of work that Thomas had done. I will have to explain in a later post how Father Noone works Zoo Lights into his homily.

Thanksgiving

2007-11-24T13:51:00.000-08:00

This Thanksgiving was a reminder that we should be careful what we wish for.

When we had 7 kids running aroung our house, and had to cook dinner for them all, I used to say "In 10 more years....." I was actually counting down to days of simplicity and silence.

Now I am like the man who dies of thirst while floating in the ocean. I have so much simplicity and silence it could choke me. No Tom, Dave, or Sabrina. Don't worry about them, it didn't bother them... but it killed me.

I have this morose thought that we all have a finite number of Thanksgivings to spend. We get so many with our grandparents, then so many with our parents and then so many with our kids. I don't want to wish anymore away, or be ungrateful for the ones I have.

On the bright side of things we had 18 people at our table for dinner. It was great meal with great people. I soaked it all in and say "Thanks be to God." We are really a blessed family.

Next year Ecuador will be in Sabrinas rear view mirror. It will just be a memory, and she will be sad about that. I hope that between now and then she siezes ever waking moment and gathers treasures.

Rotary Momentum

2007-11-19T10:46:00.000-08:00

Things in Rotary are really building momentum. I have had 2 opportunities to mix with some real haymakers in Rotary. I attended Rotary Leadership Institute, and got a million ideas. Many of the examples were done by people in the room. We had International projects that stopped Polio in the Philippines, brought fresh water to people in Haiti, and built peace with tribes people in Pakistan.

Of course I have my own happy story from my daughter in Ecuador. I really feel a pull to use my talents to affect some real change in peoples lives. I am so grateful for the life I have been given, that I know it would be absurd for me to focus all of my energy on lowering my handicap, or getting a bigger TV. I am just not going to settle for that.

Then the following week, I went to the Rotary Foundation dinner. Kimberly and I were most touched by all of the exchange students present. They were bright eyed, outgoing, and generous with their time. We met 2 girls from South America, and then told us how much fun they were having. They said they couldn't wait for snow. Now I am watching the weather praying for a big nasty blizzard so they can play.

My call to Sabrina this week was great. She is really loving her host family, and Ecuador. She told me it has taken months for it all to sink in, but she is really "getting it." I was most charmed when she told me she is working with the Rotary there to help kids in an orphanage. I see the full circle coming around.

Tomorrow is our meeting, and I expect to see some new faces. There is reason to hope that we will be adding a few members over the next month. I would love to see our group move from "defense" of counting members into a more productive posture of getting some work done, and letting our works attract new members.

Dave is coming home for 4 days!

2007-11-11T07:29:00.000-08:00

Dave called last night and said he was coming home for a few days to get his braces fixed. He is new at a job so he can't get more time off than that, but we are thrilled none the less.

This lazy Sunday morning, Kimberly and I layed around planning... of course the Menu! Our dining room table hasn't been used in a month. We have been kitchen table people, and that is the last thing we wanted to be. We really miss filling up that table and passing he bowls around it.

For 4 night... we are eating in the dining room, and our kitchen will sing.

Beenie.. I am the only kid on the block applauding the sub freezing temperatures. That means that we are closer to seeing you. I went to the RLI (Rotary Leadership Institute) yesterday and was proud to tell everyone I met how grateful I am for the Rotary Exchange program. You would be so pleased to see the 100 plus Rotarians that showed up at Siena College to make this all happen again and again.

I am going to try to call you tonight. I like Sunday Night calls.

C-Dogs glasses

2007-10-26T04:58:00.000-07:00

On Saturday I was driving my truck when I looked in the rear view mirror and saw Christopher wearing Philips glasses in the back seat. They are prescription glasses so I asked him to stop playing around. Christopher said, "I can't see, I need glasses too."

Kimberly is a much kinder parent than I am, she set an eye exam appointment at Empire Vision. We pack all 4 of us off to Empire Vision for a 6 pm appointment on Wednesday night. Our appointment was the last of the night for the Dr., we get called in at 6:45.

20 minutes later a very frustrated eye Dr. comes out. "I couldn't get a prescription for him because he kept pretending he couldn't see. Every adjustment I gave him, he pretended he couldn't see. Finally I told him to cut it out, and read the darn letters." Right about then, C-Dog experienced the miracle of sight, he could read the letters. The Dr. said "I wrote him a prescription that will let him get glasses but won't hurt his eyes... in case ;) he doesn't need them. Come back on Thursday after 3:00 to pick up his new glasses.

Wednesday night, Christopher asks if I will pick him up early for school, since picking up his glasses is kind of like a Dr.'s appointment. Allison agrees to pick him up the moment school gets out to take him.

When Christopher gets out of school he tells us that he didn't do his computer class. When it was time for the kids to go, Chris told the teacher "I have Dr.s instructions that I can't use a computer without my glasses." The teacher told him to read a book instead and he did.

Finally C-Dog gets his crystal clear glasses.... an hour later he is at I Love NY Pizza with his very patient sister Allison. He goes to the soda machine to fill his cup, but pauses. He reaches into his pocket, pulls out the shiny case, and puts on his glasses to read the labels on the soda machine so he can fill his cup with Pepsi.

As I laugh about all of this, the best part was the face of the Dr. when he came out of the exam. Next time I am getting him a white cane and a Labrador retriever. The over/under on the glasses is one week.

Extended Rotary Family

2007-10-22T08:21:00.000-07:00

I was an active Rotarian for about 3 years, and I just lost interest in it. We had a nice breakfast once a week, and it was a nice social vacation from the solitude of being an "at home worker". I found it a suitable replacement for the water cooler at the cubicle farm I used to work at.

We moved to Colonie in 2006, and I left my Niskayuna Rotary and never joined Colonie. I felt like I got away with something.

Then I began a series of events that led me to feel much more commited to Rotary than I had been before.

My daughter Sabrina came home from school in September 2006 and told me that she was going to apply for her Study Abroad through the Colonie-Guilderland Rotary. That was erie to me. Here I was feeling the direct benefit of Rotary. Through that experience, I met Tom Dwyer and Bob Moore. They both were so generous with their time. They made this trip happen for Sabrina. On 2 occasions I took Sabrina to meet her Rotary Group. On both occasions there were women who asked Sabrina to sit with them, and I appreciated what a positive model this is for my daughter to see.

As Sabrina began to tell people that she was going abroad, I heard people express doubt. "Don't you know what happened to Natalie Holloway", "I wouldn't trust my daughter to people I don't know." I heard myself saying... "You don't understand, this is a Rotary program." "I am not trusting my daughter to a family I don't know. I trust the club there, and the club here, and the process. If there is a problem, there are people who care, and will resolve it. There is no way that a host club would leave my daughter stranded." I couldn't believe I was lauding this organization, and at the same time didn't think it was a fair investment of my time.

The next nudge along the way came from Blase Mercoglan. Blase was a Past District Governor who was a member of the Niskayuna Club. I never got to know Blase when I went to the Nisky Rotary. Blase lives in Florida half the year, so he was out of town as often as he was in town.

In June, Blase called me and said "The Niskayuna Rotary needs help." Membership had dwindled and there weren't enough members to keep it going. I felt terrible. I thought of the 53 year history, and the members who had kept the organization alive and well. 50 years of scholarships to Nisky High School. It just was really bad news to me. Blase asked if I would commit to help him get it going again.

I agreed in an obliged kind of way. I was going to show up, and hope my attendence was enough. It has been about 4 months now since I have made that commitment, and I feel better than ever about the prospects for Rotary.

Throughout the summer I have gotten to know Blase. We went to the Gift of Life Golf Tournament. We visited other lapsed Rotarians. We talked about mission, and why people become active Rotarians in the first place.

Blase asked our District Leadership to help us out. We ended up with Harriet Noble, Mike Popolizio, John Eaton and others coming to our meeting. I learned more and more about the projects that other Rotarians have taken on. Now I can't imagine a better way to spend my breakfast hour on Tuesdays.

Now my membership is active, and I am ready to go wherever Rotary takes me. I will try to be a building block for Niskayuna to grow with. If that doesn't work, I will go to another club. In any case, I can't imagine turning my back on Rotary ever again.

What my grandmother said about Facebook...

2007-10-05T06:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think how profoundly the world has changed. Then I consider about how superficial some of the change is. I think of how foriegn a computer would seem to my my grandmother. I mean she never even mastered a touch-tone phone, she was a rotary girl. She thought phone numbers began with names.. "Bayside 9", or "Halesite 7".

The core principles remain of people remain the same though. For generations it has been said "If you sleep with dogs you wake with fleas". My grandmothers insight into Facebook circa 1970 was "tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are." You can put a Hollister shirt on it, a Razor Phone to it's ear, and an IPOD Nano in it's pocket but this statemet is no less true today.

If you want to know who your kids are and what their "self image" is, and what they aspire to then you should check out their MySpace and Facebook. From there follow the trails to their friends MySpace pages. This is what your son or daughter has thoughtfully authored to tell their peers who they are. It is not an accident, or gossip. This is the costume d'jour they have chosen.

I just read an article about Universities and Colleges using these social networking tools to screen admissions applications. Of course they do! I think this is awesome. I have long been frustrated with the insinceriety that goes into the college admissions process. It is like a reward for the kid who pays a tutor to raise his SAT scores, joins civic organizations for the juice it buys, and takes softball electives to boost a GPA. I am pleased to hear that someone at the better schools is giving some thought into who gets to sit in that seat at orientation. It really is a treasure that we make sure goes to the right people. I have been at the mailbox when the rejection letters roll in, and the acceptance letters. This is high stakes stuff for a 17 year old.

I found my 20's as a time to seek out some integrity. I had identities with my macho military guy friends, my thoughtful Quaker friends, my business friends, my in-laws and myself. These identities were mutually exclusive in many cases. I walked around with different personalities for different people. I promise there is no peace in that. Willingness to sacrafice polularity for integrity was a bridge I had to cross. There is a real peace in having your outside match your inside.

Now I encourage kids to think about who they really are. Are you the ambitious kid of your college application, or are you the kid with the beer bong down your throat on MySpace who lists 4:20 as his favorite hobby. As romantic as it is to think you are both.... you are probably neither. My advice to you is... pick a horse and ride it. If you start living like the person you aspire to be... you will find yourself moving closer and closer to being that person. Now go clean up your Facebook page.

The passing of the seasons

2007-10-03T17:28:00.000-07:00

One unintended benefit of Sabrina's trip is my pleasure with the passing of summer. We are now feeling Autumn in the air, and our world feels very different than it was on Aug. 16th when Sabrina left.

I know that we have one autumn, one winter, and one spring to go.

When I talk to Sabrina on the phone, I can here her more assertive self coming out. I can tell that she has had to exercise her voice a little over the months and that is a good thing. I think as parents we sense our kids needs, and try to anticipate for them. Now Sabrina is her own spokeman.

We ordered Sabrina's Senior photo, and her yearbook. That was also fun, I know that when the yearbook will be with Sabrina for a long time.

The most common question I get asked nowadays is... "How is your daughter doing in that country in South America." It really is a delight to be so proud of my child. I can usually wax on for 10 minutes, when a one word answer would have done. I just can't help being effusive.

We ordered some siding for our house that I will be putting up over the next few weekends. I will post some photos so it isn't too much of a shock for Beenie to come home to.

First month down

2007-09-18T06:59:00.000-07:00

We just passed our first month of Sabrina in Ecuador, and it feels pretty good.

I hope in the future that parents of prospective study abroad students will find this blog so they can learn about what to expect.

I was really nervous when Sabrina first left. The call I feared most was "I hate this place, and I want to come home." That would have put me in a place I couldn't stand. I couldn't tell my daughter she is stuck for 10 months and I couldn't sleep at night knowing I made her do this if she didn't want to.

Fortunately for me, my daughter is much more adventurous than that. Right away I heard about the great new foods, and her host family. I heard how interesting it was, and about a list of things that Sabrina was looking forward to doing.

I did hear a little homesickness in Sabrina's voice right before school started. She arrived on Aug. 16th and was off until September 1. Having little to do, and not being comfortable with the language yet had her watching too much TV, and sleeping alot.

Now that school is on, and Sabrina has lots of activities she is perky when I call, and she is still looking forward to plenty of new adventures.

For that prospective parent, I will mention that there are some expenses to budget for. In the first month our loose expenses have been: School Uniforms $150, Mandatory Spanish class $150, Phone bill $100, 1 Fedex Package $225, Allowance $100. This is still a fraction of what going to a private school, or college costs, but it is something to plan for.

Fedex takes 6 days, and costs $225 for a small box. Sabrina had some prescription meds that our HMO will only dispense 1 month at a time. After we sent a one month supply, they agreed to do 6 months on the next one.

The phone was my mistake. Time Warner charges 30 cents per minute. Verizon charges $4 per minute. We have both services, and I picked up the Verizon line to call. Now that I am using Time Warner it will be less. If I buy a calling card it could be as low as 15 cents.

We are getting mail for Sabrina every day from colleges around the world inviting her application. I am happy that so many doors are open for her.

One unintended consequence of this trip came when I rejoined Rotary. I was so grateful for this opportunity that I made a one year commitment to help the Niskayuna Rotary.

Life is good! Fall is here!

Photos of Sabrina in Guayaquil...

2007-09-05T06:50:00.000-07:00

Today is Sabrina's First Day at School

2007-09-03T07:38:00.000-07:00

I am so sorry that I am missing this day. You think of how low stress it is for an American kid to go to their local elementary, middle, or high school. Yet we make a relatively big deal. New back pack, who will you sit with at lunch, sit in the front half of the bus etc. Kids pace over which teacher they have, what period lunch is, who they got for Gym.

Now we really do have a huge challenge, and I am of no use at all. My daughter is sitting in a Naval Academy taking classes in Spanish, and she doesn't know anyone there. It is like that nightmare where you jump out of the plane and then find out you have no parachute.

I know that this will accelerate some cool things. Beenie will make some friends her own age, have a routine that requires getting out of bed before lunch, I imagine her spanish will get better faster with the structure of book, lectures, and homework.

I know that Sabrina will handle it all in stride. I just miss her, and wish that I were more useful than the parachute you left in the plane.

BTW: I spoke with Nia last night (Sabrina's Host Sister) and felt great about that. I know Sabrina really does have parachutes, I trust that she has her angels with her today.

Good Luck Sabrina.. We are all so proud of you!!

Dad

Application to Date My Daughter

2007-09-01T07:56:00.000-07:00

http://www.c4vct.com/kym/humor/datedtr.htm

We called Sabrina today

2007-08-26T12:13:00.000-07:00

I woke her up on Sunday right before church like I always do. This time she was sleeping in Ecuador when I did it.

Church is a time when we really miss Sabrina. We have little rituals. We all hold hands during the Lords Prayer, and the we all get hugs for the sign of peace. I know this sounds really corny, silly, lame etc. The truth is our weeks are crazy busy, and there is uncertainty woven into every day.... Except this window on Sunday Morning.

We sit behind Jean, we get communion from Jim, we hang on the sage words of Father Noone. Afterwards we adjourn to Brueggers for 13 Everything Bagels, with tubs of cream cheese> Kim and I do the unthinkable.... we go to Dunkin Donuts to get our coffee, and then bring it in with us to Brueggers.

It is all as simple as it gets, marshmellow soft... but it is really a rock that provides a fixed point in our life.

This morning before we went to church, we called Ecuador. Sabrina's host father Marco answered the phone. We spoke in broken Spanglish for awhile. I told him how grateful I am to him and his family. Marco told me how nice Sabrina is, and that he is glad to host her.

Sabrina got on the phone, and ran off all the details I have thought about asking about. Sabrina sounded a little homesick, but also very strong, and forward looking. In about 1 week Sabrina starts school. That is something she has to look forward to. Once her day is fuller, and she meets more people her age, she will have less time to ponder. Pondering for Adikes' is like fire to moths. We love it, savor it, indulge it, and then it wipes us out. We like to think, but should avoid anything bigger than the time it takes to shower.... JK

Go Beenie Go! We are so proud of you!

Yo Daddy

One week conquered

2007-08-24T08:23:00.000-07:00

I know that one week wasn't really conquered. This is a mind twist I do to myself to get past difficult things, I change them into sports metaphors or something.

I want it to read, "1 Week Savored" or "1 Week Richer." I know that this time is great for Sabrina on so many different levels. Learning Spanish is a metaphor. That is tangible, and measurable. I also know that Sabrina is working from the inside out of being a stranger. I know that Sabrina has put herself in a position to be an outsider. In the end her people skill, and self confidence will be treasures for her just as precious as her ability to speak Spanish.

I drove past New Paltz yesterday (Where Sabrina will be a Freshman next year.) I thought of how much fun it will be to go to orientation. I thought of how "un-traumatic" the experience will be. Imagine kids and parents crying because they will be 2-3 hours away from home. In our case it will be a breeze. This will be the same when Sabrina takes a job, or gets married. We have faced separation now, and we are conquering it.

I saw Christopher (Sabrina's 8 year old brother) watching Sabrina's favorite show on TV (The Gilmore Girls.) When Sabrina was here they would fight each afternoon over the big TV. This is in a house with 6 TV's. Christopher would rage against the Gilmore Girls, and Sabrina would fight for the right to rewatch episodes she had seen before. Now when Christopher is watching, I know exactly what he is doing. Christopher is trying to catch the essence of his sister in the air. It is here. Sabrina is in ever corner of every room... I am leaving now to get my coffee, and when I order it I will think of her chuckling as I say "CreamOnly.. CreamOnly.."

I am proud of my daughter, and grateful for her inspirational courage. Go Beenie!

Messing up her room

2007-08-18T07:55:00.000-07:00

I was very touched when Allison cleaned Sabrinas side of their room within hours of Sabrina's departure. Kimberly had staked out the job as her contribution to the tornado of Sabrina leaving.

We went down to her room and it was clean... Now I have a new term.... It was "too clean." It displeases me! I feel like posting an ad on Craigslist.. "Wanted teenage girl to trash room, and maintain a messy state for 300 days.

That bedroom looks like a hotel room now. I liked it when it had a stack of papers that moved back and forth bed to bed like birds migrating with the seasons. I miss the circular piles of cloths. Clean cloths on the dresser, dirty cloths piled in a corner, and cloths that are not clean or dirty strown across the floor. That room was alive. It had a pulse and a rhythm that was palpable.

We got plenty of communications from Sabrina yesterday. I know she had a party to go to last night. I would have waited up for her.. but it wouldn't work.

Kimberly and I took C-Dog and his buddy Tyler for a swim in Shellys pool last night. That will be our last. It is actually in the 40's at night now that summer is showing us it's rear end as it heads away. After the pool we whipped up some grilled chicken breast sandwiches from the Bar B Que. We watched the Mets stomp on Wahsington as Tom Glavine got win #301. After Christopher went to bed, Kimberly and I watched Intervention. We used to like it. You really care about the families, and you hope for the best, and in the last seconds of the show you see if the intervention is working. It is like a real life horror movie. We also like it because it makes us worldly about the crap kids are up to.

Last night it was harder than ever to watch. We have more kids that we worry about, and less control over them all of the time. We went from being the quarterback on the field, making decisions and doing what needed to be done ... to.... spectators. We are fans, we root and cheer for all of our kids, but we can't make decisions for them anymore.

This is not a complaint by any stretch. We did what we had to do. We parented Thomas, Justin, David, Allison and Sabrina. They are all great kids, and we trust that the ingredients are inside each of them to make great lives, and impact the world in positive ways. We just are maturing ourselves into the uncertainty of it all.

Sabrina, I hope you had a great time at the party you went to last night. I am so glad the Leiva family is so kind to you. I am happy for you, and I miss you.

If I absolutely can't stand it, I may have to trash your room myself.

Love,

Dad

Great News... McDonalds is here.

2007-08-17T06:01:00.000-07:00

I went to bed at 1:30AM after checking my email for a sign that Sabrina had made it safely to Ecuador. I didn't expect to hear, but I hoped to hear. I know I have to let go, but this is a little like being really hot, and jumping in a cold pool. Shock is what I would call it.

I crawled into bed, and told Kimberly I was letting go, and not having any expectations. Literally 2 minutes later Sabrina called. She was giggling, and I could hear Nia in the background laughing with her.

Sabrina said "There is a McDonalds on the corner." I said "So you live in a city" and Sabrina said "Yes."

I got off the phone because I have no idea what it costs to call the US from Ecuador, but I was grateful to Sabrina's host family for the call and didn't want to use 1 extra minute.

So right now I imagine my little girl eating a Sausage, Egg and Cheese McGriddle in a city in Ecuador, and planning a trip to the mall.

I know the world is getting smaller. On behalf of all overweight Americans, I aopologize to the fine people of Ecuador for McDonalds. As for me, I will take Cafe con Leche, Huevos, Papas y Chorizo.... You can keep the egg McMuffin.

As for us: We went to Shelly's house last night with the JV. C &P fed the horse, played in the pool, and ate Subway for dinner... then left over pizza for after dinner. I watched the Mets get a 5-0 lead over the Pittsburgh Pirates, and eventually lose 10-7. I cursed at the TV a little, and called it a night.

Before I went to bed, I had a slice of Sabrina's going away cake.

And just like that she was gone

2007-08-16T07:56:00.000-07:00

At 6:00 this morning, we watched Sabrina walk through customs with her blue blazer on, heading for a different chapter in her life. She was the picture of grace as she did it.

Allison, Kimberly, Christopher and I were all peering over the ropes and past the hardware.

When I worry about Sabrina in Ecuador, I comfort myself with this notion of a guardian angel on her shoulder. I am not bold enough to say I believe it, but I an also not prideful enough to say it isn't so.

The truth of my life has found me on the other side of some obstacles that I know I didn't beat myself. As I look back, I know that I didn't have the character, brains, or guts to do some of the things I have done. I know there is an intangible force that sustains, guides, and supports us when the tank is dry but there are still miles to drive.

Today my evidence came in the form of Zoe. Just as the whole family was getting ready to give into the lonely image of Sabrina leaving alone and being put through the security theatre with us kept on the other side...... We see Zoe. Zoe is a girl from Albany High School who is also going to Ecuador. There she was in her blue blazer. By the time the line snakes twice, Sabrina and Zoe are oblivious to their families, and are shucking and jiving like it is a line at the grocery store. No additional tears, woe, dread.....nothing. While that is happening, Zoe's Mom and Kimberly are kibitzing about messy rooms, late night phone calls, and how the girls are still girls. Complaining is the comfort food of Mom's.

I was well pleased that my daughter handled this. I know most people would explain the "of courses" of 2 girls going to Ecuador meeting there. As for me.... I like to credit the angels. I am not willing to give them up. I like to think that my deceased grandparents, and Sabrina's deceased grandfather told those angels now precious this cargo is. I predict that over the next 10 months those angels will appear again and again.

At the edge of the high dive

2007-08-14T12:34:00.000-07:00

This moment feels like it does when you get to the edge of the high diving board, and you have to jump.

I was never one to go back down the ladder, once I am there, I am going. As you walk and have diving board all around you think... what if I lose my balance.

The trick is to not look down, don't consider what could go wrong. Take a deep deep breath, and feel the wonder of being alive. Your ears hear, your skin feels the breeze. The peril is what make your senses keen, and your mind focus.

I heard that Alfred Hitchcock said he wanted people to feel the delight that comes when you wake up from a nightmare.

I know that my daughter will come home in 10 months, and that we will be filled with Joy. I know that she will have a depth, and sense of perspective that they don't sell at the mall. I am willing to be afraid, and sad, and lonely because I know that the gifts will last a lifetime.

My daughter is precious to me (of course she is.) I wonder why we always have to surrender the things we love deeply. It seems like a real universal truth of life.

I will use this blog to cronicle what Sabrina is missing, and maybe a future Rotary student or parent will trip across it and find it comforting.

Gods Speed Sabrina. I trust that you will have the hand of God on your shoulder and the goodwill of your host family to sustain you. Nothing you will ever treasure comes easy. This experience promises to be a very big challenge for you. You will experience lonliness, frustration, and discomfort in 1,000 forms. These memories are the pearls you will treasure most when you are on the other side of this experience.

I love you, and am at your call whenever you need me.

Love,

Your Dad